The Aftermath Series ( was Dawn's Lament)
by Jenn B
Summary: The individual reactions of the people who loved Buffy, and the eventual return of the hero they need so much.Ch. 3 posted!
1. Dawn's Lament

Title: Dawn's Lament  
  
Author: Jenn (Scully)  
  
Feedback: Please!!! Scully7491@aol.com or r&r  
  
Archive: Just tell me ?  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS, the characters etc etc.  
  
Summary: Post " The Gift"; what Dawn was thinking as she walked down the stairs.  
  
Rating: G  
  
Note: Ok, as one person on ff.net has said, I know there are a lot of these out there. And its no surprise   
that such an emotional episode should have such an impact on the fans and fanfiction writers. This is just   
one of many and I hope you can enjoy. I've just finished watching the episode after holding off for more   
than a week so I'd have a 'new' episode to watch this week ? , and it only made me realize how truly   
amazing the writers, actors, and the show in general is. Five great years and going on more. WE, the fans,   
thank you. Ok now that I've been overly sappy….lol….on with the story. I may make this into a series   
leading up to Buffy's return, what do you think? ?  
  
  
  
  
Dawn's Lament   
  
" Dawn, listen to me. Listen. I love you. I will always love you. This is the work that I have to do. Tell   
Giles- tell Giles I figured it out; and I'm okay. And give my love to my friends; you have to take care of   
them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn the hardest thing in this   
world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."  
  
-Buffy "The Gift"  
  
  
I slowly descended the steps, the pain from the slashes marring my sides diminishing as the pain   
of losing my sister overpowers it. Her last words keep playing over and over in my head and I know I'll   
never forget them, never forget the look on her face as she plunged to her death. For me. For something,   
that isn't even really her sister, but a key, a horrible key to a horrific fate. And yet she showed no fear, her   
eyes shone with bravery and the ease of understanding what has to be done, what was to be done to save   
the world again. I was merely afraid. As I near the last steps, a sob catches in my throat as I view the   
scene in front of me. I knew, really knew, that Buffy wouldn't survive, but that hadn't stopped me from   
hoping, just a little bit, that she would pull through. She's Buffy, the slayer, my sister, this can't happen to   
her. Above all she's the one that's most capable to live through disasters right? I guess not. She's just   
lying there, I can't ever remember seeing her so still. Yet she doesn't look dead. If I didn't know better I'd   
think she was unconscious because she's glowing somehow. I remember when I first saw mom, after.   
Buffy doesn't look like that. But Buffy deserves to look like an angel, because that's what she is. She   
always wanted to be normal, but I realize that even if she hadn't been the slayer she would have been great,   
a savior. Its her nature.   
I walk forward towards her. The others are oblivious to me until let out a little gasp, tears flowing   
down my cheeks and pooling on the ground with my still dripping blood. I look at them one by one,   
avoiding looking at my sister's broken and lifeless body. Willow is sobbing, hanging onto Tara, who I   
guess is better now since that vacant look has left her eyes. She looks so angry, and so hurt, and it is guilty   
eyes that turn on me. She wishes that she could have done something. She thinks she should have, could   
have, and I can see in her watery, swollen eyes that Willow going through her own personal hell trying to   
figure out why she didn't.   
Giles looks stunned but I don't see the surprise on his face as I do the others, as if he knew how   
this all would end. He turns to me, and reaches out, but I avoid him. There is no comfort here, not for this.   
And right there, at that moment, it hits me that now I am truly alone. No mom, no big sister. Sure, the   
Scoobies are there but it isn't the same, and now it never will be. Never again.  
Xander is still staring at Buffy, motionless and shocked. His hands shake slightly as he cradles an   
injured Anya to his body. She is his lifeline, and I can tell he is drawing strength from her as she lays her   
head on his shoulder, comforting her love the best that she can. If I could see his heart, I know that it   
would be in little pieces inside of his chest. He loved her too, and although that love changed over the   
years, it was a strong love and one that would have gone on forever.   
This makes me think of Spike. He nearly died for me too. The shear terror in his blue eyes as he   
was pushed over the edge of the platform will haunt me until I die. I know he survived, I saw him stagger   
over even as I was going down the steps. I'm glad. I don't think I could handle losing both of them. But   
I'm not sure if he can handle losing Buffy. It's the vampire's uncharacteristic sobs that diminish my   
control and I fall to my knees next to him. I've never seen him cry before. He hides his face from the   
others but the pain I see in his stormy blue eyes as he looks up me is shattering. I know now how much he   
loved her. I think he's dying inside; no matter how dead he really was his love, his feelings were his life.   
Yet, I can sense that he made a promise to Buffy as well by the way he looks at me. Our promises will be   
our fuel, our strength. And I don't feel so alone.  
The rising sun illuminates Buffy's prone form ethereally, and no one can take their eyes off of her.   
The silence is deafening, the sobs turned into quiet tears, pieces of our souls leaking out; pieces that cannot   
go on without her and thus must be purged, because she wanted us to go on. She would want us to live, to   
enjoy the life that she sacrificed her own for us to have. To live for that which she could not. She did what   
she had to do, she figured it out, now its up to us to try to understand why. And to never forget. We will   
never forget. Because she saved the world. A lot.  
  
Fini  
  
Please send feedback!!! Sequel? Leave it be? Let me know! ?  
  
Jenn  
  
  
  
  



	2. The Vampire Reflects

Title: The Vampire Reflects  
  
Author: Jenn (Scully)  
  
Feedback: Please!!! Scully7491@aol.com or r&r  
  
Archive: Just tell me! This will also be at my website soon http://buffysumtv.homestead.com/index.html  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own BTVS, the characters etc etc.  
  
Summary: Post " The Gift"; In the aftermath of a tragedy, a vampire reveals his thoughts and grief. Spike POV. Sequel to Dawn's Lament  
  
Rating: G  
  
Note: This is the second in a series. I plan to go through each individual scoobie's reactions   
and work my way towards how I think Buffy will come back. Feedback is much appreciated and keeps  
me writing! :-)  
  
  
The Vampire Reflects  
  
BUFFY: "We're not all gonna make it.  
You know that."  
SPIKE: "Yeah. Hey, I always knew I'd go down   
fighting."   
BUFFY: "I'm counting on you, Spike.  
To help protect her."  
SPIKE: 'Til the end of the world -- even if   
that happens to be tonight.'  
  
- "The Gift"  
  
  
She asked me if I realized that some of us wouldn't survive. I thought that by all the odds that person would be me. After all I had gone through I was ready to go through ten times more if it meant that she and the lil' bit could go on living. After all I've 'ad my share of life, more than so. But I never thought that the one to die would be Buffy. Yet as I sat there on the ground, bleeding and broken, sobbing and shirking away from the fatal sun, staring at her lifeless form I thought to myself 'You should have known'. She was getting tired of being the Slayer, she had her death wish even if she hadn't fully realized it yet. But I chose to ignore it; chalked it up to her 'sis being 'eld captive an' all. But she is different, was different. She always was. And I love her for that. She sacrificed what she didn't have to, to save Dawn, to right a wrong. And against all odds and rituals she turned it around and saved the world. And I think myself weak, even though logically there was nothing more to be done. Dawn would've died if Buffy hadn't. And the Slayer I love could have never have willingly let that 'appen if there was even the tiniest chance of stopping it.   
Yes I still love her. I don't think I'll ever stop. And ever is more than figurative for a vampire. The others figured that I would leave, abandon them and return to my evil ways, maybe find a doc to get the chip outta my 'ead. They never said it, but I could see it in their faces whenever I came around. Without Buffy as a medium I was just another vampire to hate, another reminder of what Buffy gave her life to and eventually for. I understand. I know what they are feeling. They want someone,something, to blame, besides the empty revenge they had against the chit Glory. And I know that given time they will come to trust me. That they will see me for what I am now. But I swore to protect Dawn, and I will honor that final promise. I don't know why- I don't know why I feel the things I do. I don't know why I love Dawn as if she were my own blood, I don't know why it upsets me to see the scorn on the scoobies' faces, I don't know why it bleeding 'urts so much when I miss Buffy that I want to die me'self. I only know that it is wonderful and painful and confusing, and I wouldn't give it up for the world. To know love, to have loved, to have gained a friend in Dawn and an alliance with Buffy, to 'ave felt for a small moment that I was accepted and part of the greater good on this soddin' earth is a blessing I don't deserve. And I cry every night in both joy that I can experience that and in sorrow that I can't share it with Buffy. I doubt she would 'ave ever really loved me. But there was something, something, that last night when she invited me in her 'ouse. A smidgen of hope, that small crumb I was waiting for her to drop. It was the beginning, the beginning of what I'd dare hope would've been a friendship. But we never got that chance. And that regret. For Buffy, I mourn. For Dawn, I care. For the world, I protect. For her, friends I prove. Because it was what she wanted. Because I would do anything she wanted. Because she made me feel like a man. Because I love her.  
I've been staying in the Slayer's house with Dawn ever since. Willow, Willow is the only one who treats me with a little respect. She's taught me how to handle things around here, and helps with the things that I can't. The Watcher wanted Dawn to move in with him but she couldn't bear to leave the memories behind. She told me once that it hurt more to forget that it did to face the memories every day. I admire her for that. Myself, I can't yet bring myself to go into her room. It's ironic, that is. Now that she can't care about my snooping in her room I can't not care that it feels wrong. I guess I'm still in denial. I guess some part of me that likes to be tortured believes by some miracle she'll come back to us. I wish you could come back luv. I wish it more than anything. Buffy.  
  
  
  
  



	3. A Watcher's Duty

Title: A Watcher's Duty  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them just my take on the storyline  
  
Archive: Just tell me first. Also at my site soon http://buffysumtv.homestead.com/index.html  
  
Author: Jenn B.  
  
Rating: G  
  
Summary: Post "The Gift" A month later, Giles thinks about his time with Buffy; his position as her watcher and what the future holds. Third in the Aftermath Series (Dawn's Lament, A Vampire Reflects....)  
  
GILES:  
I love Dawn.  
BUFFY:  
I know.  
GILES:  
But I have sworn to protect this sorry   
world, and sometimes that means   
saying and doing... what other people   
can't. What they shouldn't have to.  
  
  
  
A Watcher's Duty  
  
The past month has been one of the most difficult times I can ever remember living through. The bottles of alcohol that once gathered dust on my shelves are frequently replaced now, as I allow my mind to be numb and forget for a time while I stare into the bottom of a glass.   
Tara was correct. I am a killer. I killed Ben, ruthlessly, and ultimately I killed Buffy by not finding another solution. I was tired. I was in pain. And I am ashamed to admit that I wanted to end it. I love Dawn but I had to face the harsh reality that a sacrifice would need to be made. So I forced the most human part of me into the deep recesses of my soul and let 'him', the Ripper, come out to deal with what I could not. I became what I despised and a part of me regrets that while the other part is grateful to have had that to fall back on. The Ripper could lose his temper, the Ripper could tell Buffy to kill her sister and be true to her duty to save the world. But the Ripper is no match for what Buffy was, what she believed, nor for what I feel now that she is gone. The Ripper never knew such pain.  
I have struggled to find my purpose now, and I think the Magic Shop is the one thing that keeps me from becoming a recluse. I am not a watcher and I am not a father, no matter how hard I try to be one for Dawn. Empty silences and awkward moments define our relationship now. I think she's afraid that I would rather have Buffy than her, which is not true; I would rather have them both. She has become rather attached to Spike, which disturbs me somewhat, but he takes his newfound duty as serious as I've seen him take anything. However ,he knows well what I would do if he were to hurt her physically or otherwise. As we are all she has left, she is a part of Buffy, and truly all we have left of her as well. We all adore her and she is beginning to show parts of what Buffy was, the bravery, and the honor to do right that defined her life combined with her own unique personality. Yet she also reflects the innocence that Buffy had lost long ago, something I've personally vowed to keep in tact as much as is possible given the recent events.  
As per Buffy's request I have kept my watcher's journal updated, noting the encounters Spike and the others have come upon. The most difficult thing I have ever had to do was detail her passing, and yet I was glad I did in the end, she deserves to be remembered for her sacrifices, her work. Those tear stained pages are her memorial, the testament and record of her trials and triumphs, how we all remember her and how future slayers will see her, in awe. I loved her like a daughter, I was proud of her as a mentor and guide, and I respected her for who she was. Buffy, you made this 'sorry world' a little brighter for all who knew you, for all of those who's lives you saved, and you are missed greatly.   
  
  
TBC in "The Big Gun"  



End file.
